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Friends of
The Brain |
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Dear Cobretti,
Autobronzant Self-Tanning
lotion: I've heard mixed results. Supposedly it's what they use on
Baywatch, but it's only an SPF 4. What do you think?
Brenda Todd
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Dear Brenda,
You know
what the trouble with you is? You're too violent. It's all that sugar you're eating. |
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Dear Cobretti,
My husband and I are
interested in beginning a water garden in our backyard. I am a huge fan of
lilyponds, but my friend Melissa tells me that they are extremely 2000. I
really want one, but I am also a slave to trends. What should I do?
Molly Stevens
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Dear Molly,
You stupid bitch.
Whoever told you that lilyponds were 2000 was out of their
mind. They are totally 1997! Stay away, and I mean
away, from lilyponds. Are you trying to embarrass yourself? Don't ask me any more questions.
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Dear Cobretti,
Does Blisstime Sea-Salt
Scrub smooth and soften your skin while you rub? I need both and I
don't want a product that will leave me feeling oily after my daily workout.
Jenny Baltson
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Dear Jenny,
No
hard feelings, pal. |
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Dear Cobretti,
I think my boyfriend,
Jeff, might be gay. He stares at other guys a lot, and I've caught him
smiling at a few. He also talks a lot about guy's asses, and his chat name
is "Bkdrman69". I don't want to be overreacting, and I'm afraid to
confront him. Help, Cobretti!!!
Holly Grace |
Dear Holly,
Well, sister, I
have to be honest with you: it doesn't look good. Anytime your
man is that into guy's asses, he is either a proctologist or
paddling the wrong way down the Hershey highway. Before you
confront him, ask yourself a few other questions... Does he
have to look better than you when you two go out? Is he
really into interior design? When you make love does
he call you Ted, or Brice? If the answer to any of these is
yes, get out of that relationship immediately. And have him IM me, my chat name is "Cbra4men". |
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CONFIDENTIALS
Mellow Mom:
What time do you want
me to be there?
Static in Salem: I would have a doctor look at
that.
Grinning Granny: Do you have a life preserver? Your french fry
is
drowning. |
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Marion Cobretti is a member of the L.A.P.D.'s "zombie squad",
and an avid golfer and gun collector. |
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