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Friends of
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Lumpys Grand Return
-2/6/02
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Hello Kiddies-
Well it has been over a fucking month since I filled
you in on my life and if I told you all that went
on you would be so amazed that I was still alive
you would sign up for a cock transplant. That is
about how amazing my story has been. So first off,
sorry that I left you high and dry, I won't do that
again. After I returned from Spain looking for my
illegitimate father, I hopped a shipping vessel
and headed to the Orient, it was all during the
Afghan bombing practice, so it was hard to move
around. But I grew up in and around the ports of
this here globe, so I know my way around. I know
where to get a hot bowl of goat soup when I need
one and I know who to ask for a blow job, AND
IT WILL NEVER BE THAT SHIP CAPTAIN AGAIN, THAT
IS FOR DAMN SURE!
So once inside Laos, I hopped a Laotian junk headed for the Canary Islands, after a bumpy landing at dock I called John from a coconut. He thought I was kidding and I told him next time I saw him I was gonna piss in his face for wasting my time. He went on and on about seeing the ghost of Willie Stargell and I hung up my coconut on him. I also received several fucking telegrams translated into local smoke signals that Rita was back and wanted to try and patch things up. I hired a 15 year old smooth skinned village boy to help me translate. We played beach volleyball and I rubbed aloe onto his back. All the while I thought NO! FUCK NO! This fucking relationship had more fucking holes in it than a fucking sieve, but who am I kidding, Rita is hot and she loves threesomes. I said OK and Pappimate sent back translated signals to Rita. He then smiled at me and grimaced as his fresh new cold sores cracked and broke on his sweet, young lips.
We moved from the trailer park into a one room apartment
above a tavern in the outskirts of the city. I begged
the barkeep to give me free beer and cigarettes
but he has evil eyes and is always trying to fuck
me over. He lets me suck out the tapper lines at
night and I get to sweep up and smoke all the half
smoked cigarettes that I can find on the floor,
Lloyd runs the joint, he is the head bar keep and
a real dick head. He told me that I won the lottery
finding a nice guy like him, I just started to piss
myself when he said that, who was he kidding. I
really pissed into my pants too, sometimes I do
it to show anger or effect. I told Lloyd that I
don't kiss ass, unless there is a pussy near it.
Then I clarified that a pussy just had to be in
the same room, in case he wanted to get into some
wife swapping shit. Anyway, I rented this new joint
and finally got my Smith Corona out of the case
and started writing again.
I realized that you fuckheads probably missed me
and that you would be lost without my sage advice
and rancor wit. You probably also hated all the
other shit these assholes were putting on the site
here as content. Please send Slappy 1 U.S. Dollar
to buy a fucking idea book, or thesaurus, or just
a hooker to get laid and get off these stupid stories.
Someone send red a used condom so he can see what
he looks like in an envelope. Send Elmo and Randy
a love doll to fuck so they will stop fucking one
another and please send me cocaine, clearly marked
C O C A I N E, please do not try and cut it to increase
your profit margin on the street just send it here.
So that's the new fucking republic and look out
BLAZE jumped out of here faster than a guy seeing
Carol Burnette's pussy for the first time. I guess
he missed me too. Funny way to show your disappointment
huh? Oh well, I just wanted to let you know I am
back, I tried to have convos with some of you but
I could only find red and slappy willing to mind
fuck with me. Keep your eyes peeled, I am LUMPYCLOWN
on IM. If you see me, challenge me to a fucking
contest with your hottest sister or your young,
rich, widowed mother. I
will ass fuck them really hard and then if that's
is not good enough I will fuck them over financially.
I will take everything but the panties I tore off
of them right before I sprayed my multi colored
load deep in their holes. I will then stuff those
panties into your mouth, unless they smell like
pussy, then I will keep them and use them to jerk
off to. Please clean up after me, Please realize
this place is a disaster. Please realize that this
world is fucked.
Please realize that it is not a joke, and that George
W. wants to spend 397 billion dollars THREE HUNDRED
AND NINETY SEVEN BILLION..... BILLION with a B,
on a missile defense fund. This threat is real.
These assholes want us dead. 911 was a small taster
of what could happen if we lose our grip and it
is slipping, quickly. There are too many fuckfaces
on the planet (i.e. red, slappy) and that is why
we have huge problems, they need to die off so the
philosophers can rise up. Value each day because
we just tanked into an all time 25 year stretch
into some pretty dark ages. Read it, it
is written in the descending passage. This is
no fucking joke either. You will realize it one
day. If you choose to populate this planet, let
them know it ain't all OK anymore. Prepare them
to be able to take care of the cold, new world.
TCB LTC
PS THIS NEW PARAGRAPH FORMAT IS FOR THAT ASSHOLE THAT ASKED ME TO WRITE LIKE THIS! HOPE YOU ARE HAPPY JAG LOAD
LINK TEXT
Now Fuck All Y'All
Lumpy The Clown
READ MY OLD ARTICLES in SPENT LOADS
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