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Friends of
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Life's too short--8/28/01
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Hello Kiddies-
Well, now I think that every time I say I have seen
it all, I realize that I haven't because one more
thing will jump out of the ground and bite my balls
off. I am terrible at remembering names, but I rarely,
forget the name of a midget, and this was my one
time midget acquaintance that I would not soon be
forgetting. John and I were sitting in a local watering
hole, minding our own fucking business (that's usually
when the shit hits the fan) Well John was nursing
his Col. Strawberry and I was sucking on the lime
rind of a Stoli rocks, when out of the fucking blue
comes this midget broad. Well she is hooked up on
fumes or something cause she is swinging those hairy
monkey arms every which way all around John's neck,
flirting with that retard. "Well, well, well" I
thought. "Who do we have here"? John, annoyed by
this tiny persons advances was starting to get riled
up, when she spoke the gin funk hung out of her
mouth as thick as cotton. She ran her hands all
over John's thighs....now these hands looked like
a fat little eight year olds hands, so I stopped
the train before we got to Clarksville. I said,"Whoa,
little lady, let's not play with the young man's
trigger like that, are you looking for someone tonight"?
She put her imperfect hand up to cover my mouth
with her finger, signalling me to be quiet. Her
finger rested under my nose and up lofted the scent
of menthol cigarettes and pussy, midget pussy. I
needed a forklift to stop me from cumming in my
pants after she pulled that stinkfinger away from
me. I asked again, "Are we alone tonight, sweety"?
She told me her name was Bobbi, I asked her if that
was short...I mean abbreviated for Roberta. The
bitch said yes and I knew I was gonna be spinning
that little munchkin on my joystick before the night
was over. John started to claim he was getting hives,
but I knew he was getting jacked up in the slacks
so I ordered him an O'Douls to calm his nerves.
I told Bobbi to come on over and play on Lumpy's
lap, but she was fixed on poor John , she was wrapping
her booze soaked scarf around his neck and pulling
him in. I could see the fear in John's eyes, he
didn't see this as a once a year fuck the dwarf
routine, he was genuinely scared. Scared of what?
Actually fucking till you pass out (because midgets
are insatiable) or falling in love, or better yet
creeped out by a real live midget? Who knew? As
she came under the light more I realized that she
had quite a hairy look to her face too, I couldn't
tell if she was really a boy midget or a girl midget,
I just knew I had a little too much to drink so
I went to get off the barstool. The whole room went
funny and I did a header into the potato chip display.
I woke up covered in cheese popcorn and all I saw
was that goofy midget bitch laughing at me. I got
focus and looked closer, she was milking poor John's
worm right there under the table. What a horrible
fucking sight. I'll tell you what though, God was
handing out nothing but cock when John got made,
what a travesty. To put an ace cock like that on
suck a fucking brainless sea squirt, I will never
understand. Oh well, I laid back down and made off
like I was passed out, free popcorn and watching
my best friend get a hand job from a midget, priceless.
Anyway turns out she stole John's wallet and slipped
some razzles into my drink, cause I went to bed
thinking that I was made from old car parts and
gravy, I was climbing the walls coming off of that
shit. Oh well, like I said every time I say I have
seen it all, I realize that I haven't because one
more thing will jump out of the ground and bite
my balls off. Look before you leap, running cloud.
Now Fuck All Y'All
Lumpy The Clown
READ MY OLD ARTICLES
in SPENT LOADS
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