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Friends of
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Talk to the hand--8/8/01
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Hello Kiddies-
I can't figure out what is more fucked up, trying
to stay clean or deciding to get clean. The reason
those two things are hot topics is because as you
probably figured out, Lumpy is a fucking junkie.
I don't get into your ordinary stuff either, I mean
I do but I got a handle on that. I am an addict
of one vice. There is only one thing that keeps
this poor soul tortured.......FISTING. Ahhhh I know
what you are saying, "fisting Lumpy you can't do
that, that's not right" No shit Mother Fucker.
I know that....NOW! It all started when I was going
down with my hand on Rita, she was digging into
my fingers with her nasty grind. She said she wanted
more, I thought she meant more fingers so I started
a third one in there. She was movin around like
an animatronic display at the It's a Small World
Exhibit. She said she wanted more and I put a fourth
in. Now I got small fingers, like brown and serve
breakfast sausages, so she couldn't feel much more.
She demanded I get some more in there, that's when
I decided to slip the whole fist in there........aha,
that's what fisting is. Well she screamed like someone
stuck their fist in her crock pot. She hit the roof.
I tried to maintain contact as I wanted to open
up my hand inside her and see if I could shake hands
with her cervix. She put on her clothes and left
and told me not to call her anymore. On her way
out to the car I opened the window and told her
that she was a bitch and how bad my hand stinks.
She turned around and threw the six pack she had
indian given to me right through the bathroom window.
After I ducked and brushed the glass out of my hair,
i stood back up, "CUNT"I screamed to the screech
of her tires as she left in a big huff. Well now
it was like I had been told about this new video
game and all I had to do was find a copy and I could
play it all night. I called ex-girlfriends, women
I didn't know in the white pages, prostitutes, I
called everybody but no one was game. I started
to think this fisting business might be tougher
than I thought. I briefly entertained the idea of
calling John, but I knew how that would end up.
I would have to walk in the emergency room with
that retard on the end of my arm. I decided to play
it cool and head downtown. I walked the streets
hoping I could find an adventurous streetwalker,
who needed to pay rent or buy baby formula or something.
I started along a city block that was pretty crowded
still for this time of night. I noticed an odor
in the air and I realized I was getting close to
city zoo. A brilliant idea broke above my head like
a light bulb, a dim light bulb. I scaled the fence
and I was walking around the empty zoo. All the
cages were empty and I thought that all the animals
might have escaped. I looked around and laid those
fears to rest. I approached the hippo cage, knowing
that big animal couldn't hide. I took out some salami
stick I had in my pocket and dangled it over the
pond. POW out comes this hippo and snatches the
stick out of my hand, in the process gumming my
fist and getting it slick with spit.
I knew what I came for and I got around the back
of that fucking hippo and reached in for the tonsils.
I don't know what felt more strange the feeling
of my arm sliding in to the shoulder or the vice
like grip of the animals asshole as it took off
running. I remember keeping up for the first 10
or 15 seconds, but then I slipped and saw the sky
turn all perspectives but straight. I woke up the
next morning feeling like a drugged out whore. Beaten
about the body from my anal intrusion of an angry
hippo, but dissatisfied as my stinky arm lay broken
in two places, black and blue, to tender to even
look at. I remember walking home, I couldn't go
to the hospital because I
don't have insurance but I fantasized about the
treatment while blacking out from the pain,
I could never explain that feeling. Hours later
I regained memory while walking outside a thrift
store, I saw a board game in the window, almost
winking at me saying, "I know the whole story, fisterÓ
It was Hungry Hungry Hippos, I plopped down my two
fifty and in my good arm carried it home. I remember
blacking out again right after I masturbated all
over the game. I guess that's how I reset my arm,
by falling on it. It healed up good and now I just
wish I could get Rita to take my fist, even if it's
just to the zoo.
Now Fuck All Y'All
Lumpy The Clown
READ MY OLD ARTICLES
in SPENT LOADS
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