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How i created my love slave--4/28/01
continued
from front page. |
This story is rated
® by the "Idiots guide to understanding Unkle
Slappy Nuttz" coming soon!!!
Unkle Slappy Nuttz life story (do you
think id try to make this shit up?)
931 years old
How i created my love slave
Unkle Slappy nuttz will be telling you his story
today from the
toilet...see Unkle Slappy Nuttz (yeah thats
right i said it in 3rd person) ate some chinese
food yesterday...an well with whats been goin on
between our two countries...i think you understand
what im sayin...
maybe you need a tour of taste..
Unkle Slappy Nuttz was sitting around one night
in his
speedo/thong K-Mart thingies watching a new
Smoker add...slowly stroking one off thinkin
of what to do with his day..(Unkle Slappy third
person Nuttz is a sick..fuck i mean im a sick fuck..)
Well while he was "beatin the old meat pole"
it dawned on him..i need to stop "playin the nekked
chopsticks with Herman the one eyed german".
I needed a plan..but i needed a women more then
i needed a plan..i mean i could have a plan..but
without a women my plan of
Fuckin her wouldnt really be a plan at all..would
it..more of a wishful thinkin..or at best..a thought..like
an after dinner mint..its something you really want..(thats
why i go out to eat..wudda bout you??)
So i hit the road..with a trunk filled with ice..what
was i leaving for?? To create the ultimate
women from scratch..i know, i know didnt dahmer
try this? yes he did..but hes a fuckin idiot..an
my stories never fail...even tho i do
I had a plan..if i build myself a women from scratch
she will obey me...and she will hafta love me..then
ill make sure all we do is have dirty sex in front
of the livingroom window....so our neighbors can
see my butt cheeks pumpin up an down...
Well i was on a city-city tour hitting all the alleys,
bus stations, and whore houses...but they all had
something in common..those women are a little nastier
then i want em.....so one night i was standing outside
someones house poking their dog in the ass with
a stick an it hit me..SIS-BOOM-BAH(im really begining
to hate that term)
The best way to create your own women from scratch
is to hit the graveyard.....
Obviously im not sayin i know what im doin..or how
to go about to create em..but thats all details..all
i want now is parts man...think of me as the friendly
junk car dealer..that guy has parts out the wa-zoo....so
that means a graveyard has to be packin parts..soo
many parts that they cant bury em all...shit..i
almost bet theres a head chillin on a stake with
a note that says "graveyard is over filled-next
in line when available spot opens"
I grabbed arms, legs, eyes, heads, fingers, toes,
only one snatch, ears, pubes..
some crow was sitting in a tree cryin out to the
world KAAAAA-KAAAAAAA
I shot that fucker dead with my potatoe gun..raped
that dirty pigeon piece of shit...if
your horny..check it out in MPG form-dirty fucks...
i grabbed more but shit..thats a longer list then
this story...
So i took it all back to my house an unloaded it
all in my livingroom...its all dirty an blood stained...(yeah
i know..makes me horny too)
I went about seperating it all into its nice an
neat but yet disgusting disturbing catagories..i
mean listen..if you set the eyes in with the legs...an
the arms in with the toes..maybe you need to study
the human body a few hundred times more..
BUT if your smart and you know what your doin...(not
in murder-but basic knowledge) then please continue
So i started grabbin the good parts an after a few
short days of nit-pickin..i formed the perfect
female-Zombie-Body-Thingie
Ahh...you know i was fuckin that sloopy piece of
pussy-turd shit to death....bangin it non-stop like
i was some fuckin God of Norway an shit..
Well i had this french poodle of a sex tool with
me now for about 6 months when i came home from
work an it was sittin there on the bed lookin at
me cryin..
U.S.N.-whats wrong ya ugly bitch?
zombie-im pregnant
U.S.N.-your a fuckin dead bitch..how can you be
pregnant?
zombie-HOW THE FUCK SHOULD I KNOW
well i took her ass to the doctor...of the alley..an
after 4 hours of fingerin her asshole
he agreed..she was indeed pregnant..
doc-hey Slapz man you need to kill the baby..or
kill her..cause i got a bad feelin...
U.S.N.-yo if something happens you can blame me..ok
So i went to work an bragged it up to all my friends
that i was gonna be a daddy...i forgot to tell em
the mother was a zombie one tittied bitch tho..whoops..I
went home that night an saw my street..my neighborhood
tore apart...shit was on fire..shit was destroyed...an
most of all..my fuckin tree house was chewed on..AINT
THAT A SUM-BITCH..
i got outta my car an walked in thru the open door
of my house..instantly the phone rang...
U.S.N.-hello?
doc-Unkle..thanx dickhead..didnt i tell you something
would go wrong..well thanx to your dead ass wife..an
your super sperm..you had a baby that happened to
multiply..an in a matter of 1 hour..you went from
twins to 30 kids..an they all had the taste for
human flesh..i gotta go there in my secret stash...but
Unkle..the dead have come back from the dead...an
you need to stop it!
Will Unkle stop the zombie plague?
Will Unkle learn from all his mistakes?
Will Faith EVER marry Unkle so he doesnt hafta create
fake zombie bitches?
Unkle Slappy nuttz brings you "zombies attack part
2" coming next
have a intresting idea for a story?..wanna see your
name at the top of Unkle Slappy nuttz column? well
if so send your ideas
to UnkleSlappyNuttz@redbrain.com
or post them
at the redbrain gossip store...
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