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Friends of
The Brain |
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How I became a pornstar
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This story is rated ® by PWHAB(People Who Hate
Alec Baldwin)
Unkle Slappy Nuttz life story 77 years 9
months old
How i became a pornstar
It all started when i was a old sperm towel.
I was walking down the stree with my cain straight
pimpin and shit when two young guys approached me
and said "hey old fucker...wanna make a movie?"
Well i'll try anything 19 times before i decide
against it so i took the offer. Well it turned
out that it wasnt just a movie..it was freak porn-kinda
like 8MM but without the violence,murder,rape..ok
so it wasnt like 8MM at all. Ok it went like
this...since i have a massive cock an all i get
a woody an let
amputee bitches do lines of coffee beans off
my friendly head.
So after doing this job and making ends meat i decided
to move on into the real world. After 6 pre-shows
i was kicked off for fuckin the sleeve of
Teck's favorite winter jacket. Well i
think about now i was feeling alone,by myself, and
very alone..(dont those all mean the same thing?)
I was watching t.v. thru the window of this old
fat guys trailer when it hit me-BOOM-i need to get
back into the business..not show business..the porn
business.
So i ditched the cain for a metal walker ready to
do damage on the poor fool who says no.
HELL NO YA OLD FUCKER-deep down inside i really
thought that guy tried his hardest to get me a job..so
i didnt whack his funky
Joan Jett listening to ass.
Instead i moved on. After 591.7 stops(.7 was
a piss break) i pretty much knew i was gonna die
a worthless piece of shit.
Then it hit me again-BOOM-two rather stocky men
in business suits..i walked right into em.
They took me in the back alley and gave me a good
beating..since at the time i looked like a drunk
bum with some kinda Eqyptian sperm flu..an we all
know that is going around these days.
Well they got down on me and helped me up.
man-so what are your plans today old fucker?
U.S.N.-well im wantin to find a job.
man-doin what ya sperm burpin gutter slut?
U.S.N.-well a pornstar dont sound half bad.
Little did i know these massive pieces of muscle
mass were actually pornstars.
They cleaned me up in the Illinois river-which looks
like everyone in the world threw
up in it several times over again until they
shit themselves to which they had to throw the chunks
BACK into th-i think you understand me well enuff..pretty
nasty shit
I got into the studio and all i saw was cocks,puss,hairy,not
so hairy, and little debbi snack cakes.
The director kinda looked like someone who probably
had something to do with "Battle Field Earth"
The two men explained to the worthless director
that i was a piece of shit and he replied "i can
see that"
So after a few minutes they threw me into action.
The women looked worried..like my ass was gonna
have a heart attack on em or something. I
got butt ass nekked an everyone was floored...how
in gods V.D. infected world could he give this old
bastard this much man meat?
I fucked something like 30 different women holding
out until all were done..........YEAH RIGHT..i busted
after 30 seconds more like it..
The battle field earth guy said "ya know you have
a real big shot at making it in this business"
Yeah, i think im gonna listen to a guy who cant
even make 1 good movie..
Soon after i had 3 agents,7cars,1 porta-potty/home,a
fresh pack of Camel menthol lights in my pocket
and over 500 movies in one month alone..yes i was
swollen
from the nuttz up but DAMNIT..i was happy..
The awards came rolling on by and i heard i was
nominated for several. I blew it off as a
stupid event..but just incase i did go out an rip
the upholestry out of my neighbors pinto.
Ya gotta look like you know style...right?
I get the call that i need to attend because they
think im a shoe-in for best actor at the least.
The night never seemed to stop-i was up there giving
2 awards away but back up another 7 times to receive...
My awards were as followed..
1.Best Male actor in a porno.
2.Best shaved nutt sack.
3.Longest dick in the historyof the world(sorry
god..all due respect an all)
4.Best birthmark which resembles jesus.
5.Fuzziest pinky toe
6.First man to fuck a women unconscious.
7.First skull crushing cumshot.
I cried, i laughed, i sang, but all in all....i
must say it was an OKAY night.
You all have been slappinized.
*poof*
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