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Friends of
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Randy Stainer- the swedish fetus eating champion
( part 2 of 5)--5/30/01
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This story is rated ® by Bill Clit'in
he says " I wouldnt even smoke a cuban with that
bastard!"
Unkle Slappy Nuttz life story
7 months old 3 weeks
Randy Stainer- the swedish fetus eating champion
redbrain says
give me your money....no wait i mean Unkle Slappy
Nuttz says send me pictures of lumpy nekked...an
yeah i want your money...jizz is having my
baby ... this has been yet another
subliminal brainwashing technique .....i hope..god
do i hope
So the year was a little hazy cause back in those
days i was into speed and skid
row
( yeah i try to forget those days too)
well i was skippin thru the tube flippin back an
forth between that fitness chick on latenight ESPN
and QVC
when i came across a channel out of the blue...it
was always fuzzy and when the sound
wasnt that of snow or..KAAAAAA(i think thats
snow)
i could hear the sounds of love...
well as i turned it on a show began called "Randy
Stainer's wicked ways"...
they announced his name an out he came from the
back running down the ramp to the floor...
randy-whats up everyone?? today were gonna make
a surprise dish called " goat wizz smothered
in bums brew and with a garnish of crab tits"..its
actually a plate full of yellow piss, smells like
really bad egg farts and only has 2 tiny crab nipples..not
worth the 7.95$
KAAAAAAAA(<---that static snow sound)
i beat the shit outta the t.v.
U.S.N.-C'MON YOU BASTARD...
nothing..but in under 30 seconds i was hooked.
i needed more and i needed tickets to this total
free-for-all of the cooking world..
the next morning i was on my way to work...as a
bum...outside wall street cause they seem to tip
good.
a man was on his way down the street and i said
"money sir"
man-GET A JOB!
so i was forced to trip him....he gets back up and
rips off his suit and tie like
Hulk Hogan and pops
up in my face like some funny
WWF showdown...
i was about to slap his bitch ass with my russian
fish stick when it hit me like a dump truck..
SIS-BOOM-BAH
this is that fuckin guy from that cooking show..
U.S.N.-hey...your him
guy-yuppers
so he kicked my ass silly left and right..cops walked
by and didnt give a damn cause there was this
funny lookin wall street boy with one wild left
eye that never once even looked at me and he was
slappin around a guy who was obviously the shit
and could probably beat his ass down but didnt wanna
cause
this wall street boy was a punk...
well after he worked me over good and hard like
fight club we shook hands an went on our ways..
but i followed him around like
our resident retard does Ralph Macchio...
11:17 a.m. he heads off on lunch break to the local
drive thru strip joint where he orders 5 corn dogs
and a fat chick table dance to go...the owner doesnt
like his useless orders and it seems an small
verbal dispute takes place..from what i cane make
out our wall street boy always seems to get the
same deal..which is a number 3. he voids the small
fry every time an goes for the meaty girl by the
burgers...well he hasnt returned 19 women....they
demand answers..
12:59 p.m. after cops were called he was taken away
in handcuffs for rubbin his nutts on one officers
back...they didnt take to kindly to it..cops searched
his house and found all 19 women dead and their
toes missing...he was given 10 counts murder in
the 1st and 9 counts of toe theft...he pled guilty
to
5 life terms..
2:19 p.m. Randy was released for good behavior...wardon
gives him the key to the prison for his grea
t efforts to help teach some quote "really mean
people" to read...Randy is worshiped and a city
in
panama changes its name for him...too bad he dont
live in panama eh..
5:01 p.m. he finally leaves work a minute behind...the
copy machine broke so he was un-able to finish making
those dirty pictures of himself banging Sally Struthers
in that village next to those little starving children
screaming.."YEAH BITCH, YEAH I GOTTA CREAMY DONATION"
7:12 p.m. hes in his bedroom..been there for damn
near 40 minutes..i hope hes not beating one off
again listening to
" I stuck her with my wang" by I.C.P.
9:04 p.m. wearing a nice pinto upholestry suit he
heads for the club 54...of cooking atleast...thousands
upon thousands of the world finest drunkin, stumblin,
homeless idiots stand outside waitin in line for
a chance to go in.
10:21 p.m. the crowd is gettin restless and the
show begins in less the 40 minutes...must get a
plan fast....must watch show
10:56 p.m...the crowd is set but i wasnt one of
the people to be ushered inside and to a seat..so
i had
to plan my own way..
i let 5 security guards touch my "magic shrimp pole"...told
em it was lucky an..eh forget it
11:00 p.m. the show begins..he opens with the
chick from redchainsaws...she just lets everyone
know
that during/after the show we will all probably
die...the crowd is pumped...
11:03 p.m. Randy enters to the beat "Let's
Get It On." by Marvin Gaye
(september 8, 1973 which went #1)
the crowd is pumped up and i think i even saw
Kid and play sitting in the front row....
we all know their careers lasted many days
well SIS-BOOM-BAH he was off to making shit little
debbi, mrs. butterworth and many other great
chefs of our time couldnt handle..
he made goat ball cheese, with the fancy garnish.....pinch
it yourself ragou sauce......toss and turn toe tots.......
then he asked us to raise our hands and tell him
something an he would make it...i raised my hand
and noticed a row of old ladies in wheelchairs were
raising theirs too.....i kicked one bitches safety
brake
off and she rolled into the next bitch..it was like
dominos an shit...
randy-yes mr. weird guy who followed me all day..what
do you have for us?
U.S.N.- how about 'creame de' fuzzy menthol pie?
randy-what the hell is that?
its when the audience takes out a handful of pubic
hair and throws it into a pie dish...then we all
masturbate for 6 minutes..scrap the walls clean
and piss in a pickle jar...soak it all together
for
several hours and stir it until it tastes like garlic
(from pickle jar)
pour it into the pie dish and bake...add whip
cream topping and
you might wanna get a drink..
heres what i like to drink..NOW
well my buddy Randy vomited for several hours that
night..i think they under cooked the toe tots..
but it doesnt really matter anymore..that was a
few weeks ago and Randy Stainer and Unkle Slappy
Nuttz are still together....not in that gay way...
Coming soon from Unkle Slappy Nuttz Productions/RedBrain
team....
" Who let the dogs out?....and why is Elmo trying
to swallow em?"
a story so full of romance...you'll think i grew
boobs...
__________________________________________________________________________________________
wanna tell Unkle all your dirty, naughty secrets?
wanna get help on your math test?
wanna buy a dildo
for your dog?
or just have a good idea for a story? (for
those who have submitted i will get your story up
A.S.A.P.
i just have shit i gotta get done first.sorry for
the delay)
well email your shit to me at UnkleSlappyNuttz@redbrain.com
remember...only you can prevent forest fires
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