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Friends of
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Sweatin to the old
80's big hair bands--5/9/01
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This story is rated
® by the makers of "SPAM" nothing makes me smile
more then meat in a can!
Unkle Slappy Nuttz life story (you cry at
my pain) 15 minutes old
Sweatin to the old 80's big hair bands-my strive
to a great fitness video
Well it looks like Unkle Slappy Nuttz has
been requested to drop off another story involving
song/movie type shit..so here goes...Hope you fuckin
mards enjoy..and i really dont care if ya dont..
So i woke up one morning scratchin my nutties..rolled
over and saw the tubby body of my
sweet sugar dumpling....so i started to pump
out hardcore like anyone would..right?(NO) And when
i saw her face i threw
up...
So i finished pumpin
her out and rolled off the flab mountain and said
to her
U.S.N.-have
you ever thought about taken a few miles off that
waist line?
fat bitch-Hey im skinny
(this is where the world famous dirty ol' Unkle
(me) walked outta the room into the kitchen-i could
still hear her fat mouth hollaring at me about love
and respect-so i opened up the refrigerator and
grabbed for the half pound turkey leg..i didnt even
get to take the foil off the bird when she was knocking
me outta the way and began to dig in like a fuckin
crocodile would to one of those little deer lookin
things with the fluffy tail..you know what i mean
right?-FUCK YOU THEN)
i simply packed up my shit and moved out and on
with my life..
Well down on my luck and runnin outta alley
friends to bunk up with because i accidently
kicked over their fire pit trash can...the hell
did i know they used it to keep warm..i see a fire
i put that shit out..
I set out for MORE fame and MORE glory...i was already
rich (11-d-billion-hundred-thousand to be exact
but i forgot my account number)
I looked in my black book for last minute friends
i could call and meet up with hoping they wpould
let me hit em up with my bitch ass sad story and
SIS-BOOM-BAH id be in their pockets for money and
whatever else they had (use your imagination)
Well as life..the
cruel bastard would have it he made me walk right
into my problems
..FUCK wrong
problems..
thats right Unkle Slappy Nuttz walked right into
the man he once worked for..Richard Simmons..
well after a few drinks and one extremely fun night
at Big Al's strip club we headed off to his bachelor
pad for more free drinks and sex with
dirty women.....
I musta passed out with all the shit that was goin
on but i do remember gettin my asshole licked out..i
think..and that doesnt bother me..but i think richard
was doin it..oh well
So like i said i woke up and there was eggs, friend
pancakes, hard boiled waffles and a platter filled
with some weird green shit...i seem to remember
women scrapin off their diseases before they crawled
into bed with me from the night before..
*mental note-dont eat the green shit-check*
i tore up everything and gay richard was tongue
kissin some chick named
Nell..which dont play out in a good way in my mind..(and
why is "IT" bendin over?? hidin something i think)
well after richard got doen he walked to me and
began to cry about his life, problems..and right
away i thought of a turkey leg...
well it seems as tho richard was goin get canned
if he didnt come up with new ideas for people to
lose weight..since people werent into him like they
use to be he needed a different ground breakin edge
to his new look..after several minutes and 6 miles
of film we came up with this great collectors items..take
a listen
mards, idiots and shit eaters of all ages
from the U.S.N. Production team with Richard Simmons
slappin his jelly nutts on your toast distribution
we bring to you un-cut un-edited S.T.V. (straight
to video) classics
order now and get all the hits in a 6 box-5 movie
set
SET 1.
1. you should of ran away-the O.J. story
2. CHOP,CHOP-an amputees life story
3. where not to hide a rubber monkey
4. abortion the wrong way- a ray Carruth story
5. seat belts can hurt your toes
.
SET 2.
1. how to walk thru a drive by un hurt- the fitness
exercise
2. i have a disease- a porn
stars life story
3. human hunting- Jeffery Dahmer's romantic comedy
4. Leroy razor pricks- Edwards un-wanted twin brother
5. recycling seamen for tomorrows future
SET 3.
1. 22 ways to stop a panic attack- plumber bob's
quick fixer
2. i had a dream i shot the sheriff- M.L.K. Jr's
real last speach
3. 1,004 useful things NOT to stick in your ass
4. legal ways to do nothing- based on the life of
a fat man
5. trench coat mafia- why are they worthless butt
plugs?
SET 4.
1. electric objects for your neighbors kids
2. why your family should of killed you- for all
you eminem fans age 2+
3. sit on a broom stick- projecting eye balls
4. Anna Nicole Smith- 6,000 pounds of REAL fun
5. Pam Anderson- 4 pounds of FAKE fun
SET 5.
1. DeJaVo- pro's and con's
2. tack in my toe- dr. finger in my butt
3. parts of the human body NOT good for snails
4. DeJaVo- pro's and con's
5. 50 famous designs by toe nail clipping
SET 6.
1. last words of a mute
2. sperm in the ice cream machine
3. its too hot to part the sea- Moses gets pissed
4. pedophile is NOT a german sandwich
5. chewing the fat off a rubber frog
_____________________________________________________________________________________
Have an intresting idea for a story?
wanna make all your moms fat crack smokin friends
who still have a computer pissed cause i gave a
shout out to you at the top of my article?
wanna send me pictures of you nekked?
just wanna chat with me thru email?
well if so email my bitch ass UnkleSlappyNuttz@redbrain.com
*PLEASE dont spread my name around to your friends
tellin em im the best fuck you ever had..i dont
need any more of that shit...*
Are you a Slappanite?? Wanna be?? well take your
bitch ass
here and sign up
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