Unkle Slappy Nuttz life story 71 years old

Unkle Slappy Nuttz is officially dead. (2-3-hell who knows how many parts to this tragic slappy sage)

So im just passing this message along to everyone. Sorry for my delay. The real world was kickin my ass. So i was forced to put on hold what i love and enjoy for shit i hate and loath. But I PROMISE TO YOU ALL MY WORD AND LIFE that i am back baby! FOR GOOD! (unless im fired..)

Question?? Have you ever died before? or had such shitty luck that you might as well die??
Well i DID die. Thats right ya girl scout cookie dealers and lumpy fans. I DID DIE.
I flat lined around 8:15 p.m. on May 16th 2002.
It was kinda fuckin weird actually. That whole tunnel thing..wow sorry im gettin ahead of myself lemme explain.

Have you ever pondered suicide?? I have but like a gay orgy at lumpys i new my ass (pardon the pun) couldnt take it (all)
See i was on the edge of it all.
Ok back a little further. To when i was just an ordinary soul with this name. Lets travel back to 1997.
Back in 1997 i was trying to be a webmaster (HA) and i new that like a good porn i needed -A. long dick - B.cheesy name -C. skills to actually create a website.
well i had NONE.
so since you cant exactly grow a new long dick i new i needed skills at websites. i was so-so..far from brag-ability but i had creativity. And in that field i firmly believe and still do that i am the best in the field. (when not lazy)
I was kicking around a shit load of names. Aunt flappy tits...shrimp saggy...Mustard pecker....then it hit me..sloppy balls...no wait..slappy balls..no wait again slappy nuttz...YEAH..YEAH!! Unkle Slappy Nuttz..i took unkle from my late uncle..
So off i went to creating a website that was going to attract 100 billion-d-thousands of fans daily.
So i made my first site on anglifire. I dont recall the exact number of hits but..ok i do remember and it was 10..YOU FUCKIN HAPPY HUH!
well it was a pathetic sad site that deserved to be set on fire slowly and made to suffer..that i understand now.
Well Slappy (ME) got on his ICQ and tried to attract attention from other webmasters..to not only notice my great work but my talent..ok..notice my ability to annoy them to death until i had the responce i liked most.
So i im'ed one webmaster. he told my my talent was down right disgusting and to not bother him anymore. I sadly disagreed with him and wanted to contiue this discussion..not that day tho..i wanted to talk at various times thru out the rest of his life during his busy times...maybe i would ask him 100 times at once thru different ims...maybe i would make him run for the border.
well he finally had to have a show down with me..it was him an I at eye level.
STOP BOTHERING ME BEFORE I BLOCK YOU! he said
FUCK YOU ILL KILL YOU..TELL ME WHAT I WANNA HEAR..IM THE MOST TALENTED FUCKER YOUVE EVERY SEEN FUCKER! TELL ME WHAT I WANNA HEAR FUCKER OR ILL CUT YOU..ILL CUT YOU FAST AND DEEP..
well he didnt like that one so he had a internet restraining order placed on me for some kinda stupid "he threatened to kill me" retarded shit..
I dont know why he was gettin all shitty..i didnt really say what i was going to do to him..when i found him...sleeping in his bed..with a butcher knife as i stood over him drowling with delight...NOOO i said horse shit...i could of tied him down an trimmed his toe nails..who was he to fuckin bitch...
so he decided to take it a couple unfair levels farther then i could..he had a 1,000$ bounty on my head (computer) for the hacker who could fuck me up....
well about 3 months went by and Slappy (ME) was on the low down..down low..whatever the fuckin lingo is now a days..you kids an your MTV microwave dinners..
So that webmaster was finally gettin calmed down but he still wanted my head...which was cool..but i look at it like this..he shouldnt be pissed..i mean he ran a dumpy site anyways..the fact that i even visited his site should mean alot..condsidering that I alone must of made up 50% of his daily hits.
And why was he bitching..to critize someone is to help them out with whatever their trying to do..he didnt do that..he minds well of gave me an open hand ball chop..no..an open hand graze ball chop..you know what im talking about..the kind that doesnt hurt right away..the kind that 30 seconds to a minute later makes you start to have a stomach ache..then almost drops you in pain..the worst kind..
So while in hiding my friend caught the attention of another webmaster.. drBizzaro ..this guy was cool (for a homosexual)
I mean he really blew the socks off us(again..pardon the pun) he was a webmaster of a kick ass porn site but he actually had a good sense of humor..rare...
So my buddy who wanted to be the next Kevin Smith asked if he could use the good Drb's site in a script he wanted to write..the good doc said sure..the problem was my buddy (JizzInHerEye) had no idea how to write a script and his first draft looked like a bad bad shitty paper..It wasnt even in script format...
he asked for my help and since i had no clue about it i did research for it..i found out the proper format and everything..It was fun..
Well we went on to writing the first real draft..it was a horrible script...i mean we had like 6 great characters but no real plot...So he decided to throw it out..I wanted to keep it..After all this WAS an actualy story..just lacked real plot points and could be worked on..tho it needed ALOT of help..

Well about a year into the script process my buddy called it quits..He said he didnt have it..he didnt like the process it involved an he felt he lost alot of love for writing..He instead became a publisher and if you all remember my story about September 11 he was who i tried to get ahold of. he was in NY close to 3 miles from ground zero...

Well while my buddy dropped out of the script we had together i began to fall in love with it..I mean i get to create my own world and characters..i can dictate what they do..It was something that always called me but i never took serious..So i thank you buddy..
Well i informed Drbizzaro that i had taken over..he didnt really care much..he had real shit to deal with that day..
So around that time...which had been a year and a half or so since that webmaster tried to kill me i decided to give his site a visit..CLOSED...
HAHA..sucks to be you huh..
So i was trying to pound out a script..but it wasnt turning out right..(still doesnt)..That same plotless story is now a full concept and story..BUT unfinished and redone 16 times to date with as of yet a satisfied finish..
Since that story i have spawned 5 other stories that are nothing you would expect from me....so why bother to explain them...
So it was now a little after 2000 and the best and worst of my life was around the corner...
Slappy gets a lesson in life...and a job offering to write for some website

Check out part 2 of this long ass shit..which gets you into the mind and heart of a mentally retarded idiot..

Unkle Slappy Nuttz...
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Coming next.
1. Part 2 of how every many it takes..
2. Redbrain.com's 1 year extravaganza celebration party
3. Stalker for hire
4. Book deal from hell
5. Random rants from the beefcake bus
6. No story here
7. make your own batch of slappynator at home
8. no story idea maybe something to do with song titles again
9. jesus you people really need to know what im doing 9 stories from now..you pushy fucks
10. Slappy retires...but finds out bills still need to be paid..gets pissed..kills people..blames it on alf and those damn 10-10-220 commercials
11. Flutie flakes..HA..FUCK YOU AN YOUR RETARDED KIDS....no thats not story...