Friends of The Brain Warning: include(../x3top3/output/toplist.html) [function.include]: failed to open stream: No such file or directory in /var/www/redbrain.net/slappy/9-26-01.php3 on line 181 Warning: include(../x3top3/output/toplist.html) [function.include]: failed to open stream: No such file or directory in /var/www/redbrain.net/slappy/9-26-01.php3 on line 181 Warning: include() [function.include]: Failed opening '../x3top3/output/toplist.html' for inclusion (include_path='.:/usr/share/php:/usr/share/pear') in /var/www/redbrain.net/slappy/9-26-01.php3 on line 181 Best Porn Free Porn in your email Redbrain Shopping Porn DVD's Porn Video's Penis Pumps Sex Toys Erotic Main Menu Other Props DigitalKoh For the logo Unkle Slappy Nuttz life story ( As seen on CNN's Talk Back Live..i swear) 24 years old--9/26/01 well she bought the house..with my money and moved her shit in..but didnt wanna ruin her shit by having it touch my shit so i was forced to move my shit out cause she said it was shit...thats a bunch of shit well i was broke and hell i minds well go job hunting.... i checked out my old neighborhood and located a few friends (friend 1. was finishing work release and said he was restricted against visiting farm animals or any zoo within 800 miles..friend 2. was that fuckin bitch who has diamond earrings that cost more then your life..but yet he needed a quarter to use the payphone cause his gov'ment check aint come in on time again...friend 3. use to be a girl....but the swingin in her pants and the adams apple really made me believe she was lying...and she kept askin if i had free time for a hotel party that would run my 100 buck-o-roos) well i got outta that sitution cause i dont need that shit....so walkin down the street i remembered geoff..i decided to check out that building and that shit was glowing like vegas shrunk up and was placed inside it.. i walked inside and business was BOOMIN(notice i had caps on while typing BOOMIN..i did it again) i saw my friend geoff and called out to em U.S.N.- hey shit tits..yeah you beefy fuck nipples geoff- hey U.S.N. yeah we hit it off like old friends fuckin like freaky monkeys in heat..or like biker dykes and mr. rogers... well basically after a few minutes i told him my luck..he said it sucks for me and asked if i was looking for a J-O-B like janet said I told Geoff i could use the extra cash for hookers and gas money.  He said i was hired and i should show up tomorrow morning.. I made it home to catch my wife fuckin the postal worker and the kid who mows the lawn..usually i get pissed but damnit today i couldnt...i had a new J-O-B actually i didnt even know what my J-O-B was really..oh well So the next morning i woke up ate my breakfast while my wife blew the redbrain staff..was i upset you ask?? shit no man..i gotta J-O-B I was getting ready for work when i decided to get my ass into some shape..i threw on my warm ups, cowboy boots and and race car helmet..out the door i went I showed up for work and walked in.... Geoff- hey man  glad your here U.S.N.-fuck you..gimme my money an tell me what to do geoff-well we handle..erotic needs for women U.S.N.-so you want me to fuck old bitches? geoff-NOOO.i mean we help them handle themselves U.S.N.-your bankers?? geoff-we sell dildos..you stupid fucker U.S.N.-then say that..dont beat around my bush geoff-here...this is a special order for Miss Pearl Tongue.....she wanted this package this morning..now take the company car and be gone ENDING 1. BEGINS HERE I walk into the parking lot looking for the company car..which turns out to be a beat up truck..i throw the paper brown bag filled with god knows what to the passanger side and take off..about a block away i begin to get a little thirsty so i stop off at the local bar...i figure hell its almost noon so i better make a quick pit stop...i get shit face hammered..kinda like elmo and randy at the summit..but i dont drop my pants and stick objects in my ass (i wont tell them it was you elmo..so its cool) Well its about 2:30 a.m. an i get booted from the bar..piss drunk i stumble out to my car....i sit down and look at the bag..it was empty because i ran outta money and sold the shit to help cover the cost of my drinking..but it had a friend ..oh its my liver..isnt that great..my liver is laying next to the bag crying...i put my shit in gear and take off..about a mile or so away i get pulled.. (cops point of view) i stopped this guy and he was not only drunk..but he was laughing..going 5 m.p.h and singing marky mark songs..i figured this guy was gone...i walked up to the door and he responded with "god damn officer im glad to see you..i could of killed somebody tonight" "get out of the car sir" i replied cool and calmly " i cant..you get in" he responded..then he began to laugh..as i walked around to the passanger side he opened up the door and said "sorry sir lemme get these bottles outta your way" yup i took another piece of shit off the streets ENDING 2. BEGINS HERE So i drive to the house...stop , park and fall out...it was a trailer park and we all know them bitches are easy.. so i knock on the door and not a peep....so being poor once i relize no trailer park slum shit answers their door...i walk along the B.M.W. parked in front and shatter the window...the alarm sounds and everyone in the court runs to check on their shit... she comes out. bitch looked like an accident that went right for a couple minutes..then it all went bad for 3 life times U.S.N.-delivery for you..fuck P.T.- cum..in U.S.N.-cum..in..you? P.T.*giggle* U.S.N.-thats alright..id rather fuck a slice an dice machine so i throw her the bag...she throws me the cash...i take off  feelin good and shit like a man should..well i got lost and end up in the country..middle of no mans land i say..it was getting dark so i went to ask people for directions..but the town was dead.. AND ZOMBIES WERE EVERYWHERE.....ok they werent i just like zombies..anyways i was driving just looking for any sign of anything...when i noticed headlights on my ass from..i dunno where BOOB the flashers appear and i new it was the cops..i was thinkin..am i wanted, have a killed anyone this week,do they know where waldo is, how many feet are in a yard..the usual shit that goes thru everyones head so i stop the truck - fall out...and run..run my ass off...the cop gives chase i relize hes a fat tubby bitch who cant run fast so i slow down..almost tease him with the chance he might catch me well i underestimated him cause he did catch me he slams me down, hand cuffs me and the entire time walking back to the car im nervous...as we get to the car he says "why did you run?" "man im on parole i cant be caught..fuckin around bro" he puts me in the car..heads to the back up and they talk on the radio..about 10 minutes later they come back to me.. "U.S.N...your NOT on parole" I look them right in the eyes and say "Huh, yeah, huh" ENDING 3. BEGINS HERE geoff- bad news..we dont have all the order that Pearl Tongue needs..you gotta go to another porn shop and pick up a few things U.S.N.-great geoff-theres a list inside the bag of what you need i walk out and gander at the list..dildos..big..very big..break me in models jelly, pictures of lumpy etc. So i head off with my brown bag and money to another porn shop..i walk in "can i help ya sir?"    so i look at him with a straight face and reply "yeah i need a weenie" his expression changed at that moment as he began to look me up and down... "well what kind sir?" i look at him again  "the kind that would just hurt" he said "well this one looks real and feels real-touch it" ----"haha, haha NO" "c'mon its a popular model"-----"I aint buying a car jackass, i just need a weenie" well after it was all said and done i decided this was gonna be the model that made that women feel love/pain i walked up to the counter and it was rung up along with all the other goodies... "that will be 249.58$"----TIP---make sure you got enuff money..you dont wanna walk past people with dildos in your hand to take em back cause your short cash so i hop in the truck and take off...most people would be smart and take the back roads to their destination..not me..i had to take the interstate..and got pulled over the cop walked up and said "identification, insurance card and...whats in that brown bag sir?" i sunk in my seat and said " I dunno officer...because i stole this truck" _________________________________________________________________________________________ Coming Soon.......... Is it possible....Saddam Hussain and U.S.N. fighting..for the same cause???? Dont miss the next installment of stupid shit called Diana Ross..wudda lying bitch Featuring the likes of Wu-Tang clan as "Jed the social smoker" Ben Stiller as "Jerry the romantic amputee" MNathan lane as "the bellboy from hell" Eddie Izzard as "a funny mother fucker" enjoy *poof fuckers* got something you gotta tell me...leave it in the message board or email me ass..